Ok so maybe the liquids weren’t such a good idea. I was up most of the night in pain. Do you realize the dangers of this? There’s QVC, HSN, and any number of infomercials that normal people can ignore, but when you’re bored in the hospital while hopped up on pain meds and good credit? Watch out! Fortunately, though, for me at least, with boredom along comes apathy, so I didn’t care that I didn’t have Isaac Mizrahi’s Copper Infused Healthy Lingerie !available in 5 colors! at the bargain price of $219.99, payable in three monthly installments.
However those infernal pizza commercials will drive you crazy! The absolute worst pizza on the planet, is, in my opinion, Papa John’s (leathery crust, lame pizza sauce, and ingredients from a can that are supposedly “fresh”), but even that looks appetizing when you can’t eat. Ok well maybe Domino’s pizza is actually the worst, but only because I ordered one for delivery about 12 years ago, and they never delivered it. When I called to ask about it, the girl said they were out of the pizza I wanted and they were NOT GOING TO DELIVER ME A PIZZA. Now that would have been fine had I been at home and could have gone out to get something to eat, but I was alone at a friends house with no transportation or money (long story for another time), just a lone check she had left me, made out to Domino’s Pizza, never to be cashed. Needless to say, since I like to write, I wrote a very nasty letter to the Domino’s CEO and to their credit, they never responded. So, since then I’ve spent (in a conservative estimate) eleventy billion dollars in pizza (hey! No judgement! I love Italian food!) and not one penny has gone to Domino’s Pizza, nor will any of my future pizza money. It used to go to Pizza Hut, but they’ve shortened their baking times in an effort to save money so half the time the pan pizzas are raw on the bottom, and the whole appeal of a pan pizza is the crunch of the crust. Am I right here, lovely reader?
As a result, currently my pizza of choice lately has been Little Caeser’s. Their deep dish pizza is square, crunchy, and frankly pretty delicious for being so reasonably priced. And now that it’s encased in bacon? Puh-leeze. Stick a fork in it, ‘cuz I’m diggin’ in! Also, they have the four piece version available at lunch with a drink for $5 and that’s a bargain.
So where was I? Oh. The hospitalist just came in and I told her about the pain from last night and lickety split I’m back on the clear liquids. Crap. (Wish I could, but that’s another blog post…)